42-year-old boyfriend repeatedly lets senior cat escape by leaving the screen door open, his girlfriend asks him to stop, she calls her overdramatic: 'I still feel like I was justified in being worried'

Author image for Mariel Ruvinsky
Mariel Ruvinsky • Writer and Editor
Sep 3, 2025 9:00 AM EDT

Moving houses with a cat is difficult to say the least. We've had to do it a couple of times throughout our lives, and we can tell you, the amount of worrying that we do about our cats during these moves is insane. We worry about their mental state and how they will adjust to the changes, and we worry about external things as well - like will they try jumping onto that dangerous shelf or will they try to hop off our balcony and onto the neighbors? And if the house is on the ground and there is a door leading directly to escape, how do we make sure that doesn't happen?

The first way of making sure your cat doesn't escape is keeping that door closed. And yes, it may be a little inconvenient at times, but you do it anyway, because your cat getting lost is one of the worst outcomes possible. You keep the door closed. Right? Or maybe not. Maybe you let the cat escape four times in a row and then lose your chill at your boyfriend who keeps allowing it to happen. 

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  • 01
    image of an orange cat standing by a door
    via Unsplash / Tracy Morgan - tracyandalusia

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    My boyfriend (42M) and I have a cat, Luna. A few times now, he's accidentally left our sliding door open just enough that Luna has managed to get out into the courtyard (four separate times). It's always stressful trying to get her back.
    via Short-Pressure-8025
  • 03
    The other night before bed, I noticed the sliding door was open about 4 inches. I got really upset because I felt like if Luna was determined, she could push it further and slip through. I closed it before he saw, and when I brought it up, he said he had left it open just enough that she wouldn't be able to get out. He thought I overreacted, but we ended up in a big fight over it.
    via Short-Pressure-8025
  • 04
    This morning, I saw him sitting by the same door with it cracked open the same amount, but this time he was supervising. I told him calmly that this was the same way it was left before, and that I don't feel comfortable with it being left like that if Luna is unsupervised. He got upset again, saying that since he actually saw Luna try and fail to get through, he knows I was wrong the other night and umade too big of a deal about it.
    via Short-Pressure-8025
  • 05
    He feels like I was being unfair and over the top, and I still feel like I was justified in being worried because of the past escapes. So, AITA for starting an argument about the door being cracked open?
    via Short-Pressure-8025
  • 06
    Edit to add: it's a new home, this hasn't been an issue previously. We are waiting for a screen to be installed and it is fairly hot and stuffy. We are in a condo on second floor, so security is not an issue. This is not an intentional behaviour, he loves the cat and it has been his since she was a kitten; she's an old gal now. We have been together 10 years, so it is "our" cat, but technically he got her.
    via Short-Pressure-8025
  • 07
    He treats her great, it's more just inattention and defensiveness that is the real issue here. Zero chance he is doing anything to intentionally hurt the cat, definitely not ab ive. I've never posted on Reddit before so didn't realize how specific I needed to be, and people will judge regardless
    via Short-Pressure-8025
  • 08
    image of an orange cat peeking from outside a window
    via Unsplash / fr0ggy5 - fr0ggy5

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • It's the lack of patience that is off-putting to us. The screen is supposed to come in a few days. We know that it's frustrating to wait sometimes, but this really is just a matter of being more patient. Escaping four times… that's a pattern, not an accident. 

  • 09
    Peeping Tara Why the heck is he leaving a screen door cracked open anyway?!?? It's not for air flow because it's a screen door. I'd have to ask him if he's willfully trying to lose the cat or if he's just stupid.
    via PeepingTara
  • 10
    Short-Pressure-8025 OP I misspoke, the door doesn't have a screen which is why it's an issue. The apartment does get very hot, we don't have AC, and we are waiting for a door to get installed. I know he's not doing it intentionally and really loves the cat. It's his and has been for 13 years. It's not manipulation, it's more about negligence and not paying attention and acting like I'm overreacting due to that.
    via Short-Pressure-8025
  • 11
    image of a gray cat peeking from behind a corner
    via Unsplash / Alex 0101 - alex095rr

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • We do have to say that we appreciate this woman defending him. She's known him for that many years, they've had the cat for that many years, we trust her instinct about it being more foolish than malicious. No, you were not the problem in this situation, and we hope the responses from people gave you the validation that you deserved, but also good on you for defending your relationship (which we truly hope is a good and healthy one).

  • 12
    ScreamySashimi Leave the boyfriend and keep the cat. This is ridiculous. He's doing it on purpose, either to stress you out or "lose" the cat, but probably both. This man doesn't like you and he does not like the cat.
    via ScreamySashimi
  • 13
    arterialrainbow NTA. Just because your cat couldn't get out that time doesn't mean she can't in the future. I've had cats most of my life, including one with some sort of personal vendetta against closed doors of any kind. She'd try and fail to open a door, sometimes even using her entire body to try. Then try again. And again. Until eventually she could open just about anything that wasn't tightly clicked shut. Also leaving doors open like that is an excellent way to get bugs.
    via arterialrainbow
  • 14
    Lucky_Volume3819 Girl he's doing it on purpose. NTA.
    via Lucky_Volume3819
  • 15
    black and white picture of a cat looking through a window
    via Unsplash / Jon Sailer - jonmsailer

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 16
    Advanced Ask_2053 This isn't about overreacting, it's about basic pet safety. If you both care about the cat, the easy compromise is just... shut the door when you're not there
    via Advanced_Ask_2053
  • 17
    Elegant_Anywhere_150 nta 4 inches is plenty for a cat to get through theres no way he did that on accident. He wants the cat to escape and get lost.
    via Elegant_Anywhere_150
  • 18
    If you value your cat's safety please leave him. This is a common tactic certain types of men do when they actually hate the pet and/or intend to ab e you by hurting your pets. He's either going to let her escape or he's "waiting and watching" to try to crush her in the door "accidentally" while trying to "stop her from escaping." Predictable behavior.
    via Elegant_Anywhere_150
  • 19
    Waste_Worker6122 Your boyfriend does not like the cat. NTA.
    via Waste_Worker6122

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boyfriend cat escape drama interesting girlfriend story Cats
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